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You get turned around and walk in the wrong direction. Once the FOG is the norm, leaving the FOG becomes difficult because of the self-doubt and second guessing an abuser’s FOG induces.If the FOG is combined with a target’s need to be perceived as the Nice Guy/Nice Gal, it’s extremely difficult for the target to break free.

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I had him agree to a contract to continue NC for 3 more weeks. Now, instead of feeling guilty or like a “bad guy,” he is increasingly dismayed by her lack of boundaries and her unwillingness to accept and respect his No.

Enough time and distance out of the FOG and most people have a very different perspective on their ex’s behaviors.

They just don’t understand why their loved ones tolerate the abuse and stay in the relationship.

FOG is the intangible glue that keeps many men and women stuck in abusive relationships.

Ultimately, Hoovers are just another instance of an abusive wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or ex not respecting your feelings, needs and boundaries.

It’s just another way they ignore, invalidate and disrespect you and what you’ve decided is healthiest for .

Most Nice Guys and Gals have been groomed to believe boundaries are mean and abusive and that taking care of themselves is selfish. For the FOG to be especially effective, many abusers instinctively know to isolate their targets from friends and family members who will help them to reality test and come out of the FOG.

Once you get out of the FOG for a length of time, your head will start to clear and you will, hopefully, see things more objectively, which is precisely what a predatory abuser does not want to happen.

It is often easier for outsiders to see what’s going on because they’re not caught in the disorienting and invalidating mists of an emotional FOG.

To a mom, dad, sister, brother or best friend, it can be as clear as day, but when you have your mouth wrapped around the exhaust pipe of the Crazy Fogger 3000 night and day, it’s no wonder you can’t see the forest for the trees.

Their idea of love seems to be about being able to control their so-called loved ones and how much abuse and crap you will tolerate from them.

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